Collin’s confused. He thinks he’s five. Ever since starting CTR 5 last week, he’s convinced that he’s somehow turned five years old without having a birthday. He has come up to me often this week to inform me that he’s five now, he says, “Mom, I’m five now.” Or I’ll overhear him call Talin ‘little brother’. Um when was it possible to skip a whole year? I’m trying to convince him that being four is just as fabulous as being five.
And I’m depressed. I’ve lost my princess status. They were playing the usual imaginary game of being knights and saving a princess, who typically is me. And then I overheard it. Talin told Collin that I could no longer be a princess, I was too big. “Princesses don’t have bellies as big as mom’s.” I’m still nursing that wound.
And I’m frustrated and I’m struggling with rising above that frustration. I don’t seem to have a handle on my life lately. I want answers, with this baby, with the wait, with the delivery, with the surgery. I’m so confused and feel like it’s out of my hands, which it totally is. I keep saying I should go on and live each day like its normal and everything is fine, but then it hits me, life sucks right now. I feel like I’m bi-polar, both happy and ignorant or severely down and overwhelmed with the future. I know I should have more faith and not let this fear consume me, but that is easier said than done right now. So I’m trying to take it day by day. And I really just needed to write it down and get it out; because I’m sure others are sick of me talking about it. So there it is, and I think I’ll go make dinner now.
7 comments:
I am sure no one is tired of you talking about any of this. I can't imagine how you are feeling and know if it was me, I would be venting all of the time. I really hope you get the answers you need soon.
Collin cracks me up! My brother Adam always tries to convince me he is a year older than he actually is. For months I believed he was twelve, I'm not sure why, when he is really only 11.
I am sure there are many princesses out there with pregnant bellies. The comment was cute however painful. :)
I don't blame you, Megs! You seriously deserve venting time, frustrated time, all of it. I think the unknown is perhaps the most difficult prospect to deal with...and neither of us were ever good at waiting for ANYTHING, so I definitely feel for you in this monumental wait you're living through right now.
And when so much is weighing on your mind, being x'd from princess status (for a big belly!) is a blow. But, I know you well... you'll be back to princess slim six months after you have your little guy.
Hang in there Meg you can do this remember we do NOT get more than we can handle.... I am sure you are rolling your eyes but maybe you are going through this for someone else down the road and you will know exactly how to love and comfort... I know this does NOT make you feel better but know that there is one holding you up.....
I'm sorry it's so frustrating, but you have the 23rd to look forward to and hopefully that will help a lot. The unknown and not being able to plan is horrible. You like being in control and this is completely out of your hands. I guess it probably doesn't help to live in the weather you're living in either.
That's so funny about Collin and the demoted princess status! Kids are so funny -- you'll love looking back and reading all these little day to day things they say.
While I can't relate to your specific situation (that has to be more stressful than anything), I totally relate to your feelings of frustration about just having to wait and having everything out of your hands. I think anybody in that situation would feel the same. So, no apologies for venting. It's good for you!
Sorry about your demoted princess status. Oh, the things kids say.
your blog is the *perfect* place to vent, to rant, to nurse losing your princess status. the waiting is hard, i know. but you are totally engaged with the here and now, and the rest will come. and it will be wonderful!
Ha ha!! I'm sorry that you got booted out on being a princess. That is too funny. I love reading your blog and I just want to say that I think life sucks. There can I say that, is that bad? I know how you feel but in a totally different way. I tell Jared that I didn't sign up for this and he just smiles because I get mad when he says it doesn't work that way. So I am sorry and hope you get answers and find away around the things that CAN'T get out of your mind. Good luck! Was that a depressing comment, it isn't supposed to be!
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