Our Baby Boy

So I’ve been thinking for the past few days, what exactly I want to write and how I want to write it. If you’ve visited Amy’s blog you know about our baby news. But it’s something I should write about. So here it goes.

The doctor has wanted me to get ultrasounds to check the length of my cervix to predetermine the possibility of pre-term labor with this pregnancy. Well, I had my second ultrasound appointment on Tuesday. I was alone. The ultrasound technician spent about twenty minutes looking at the baby’s heart; she had me lay on my side to get different angles. It was odd; I felt ill at ease and kept shoving my worries to the back of my head. But no matter how much I tried not to worry there was a nagging that something was not right.
After the ultrasound she took me to a separate room (not the waiting room) and told me she needed to call my doctor to make sure she didn’t need to look at anything else with the baby before letting me go.
My internal alarms went off; I waited in that room for half an hour. It was cold, I was scared, I was nervous, I wanted to call Tom, but I knew someone would be in any minute. I thought maybe she had forgotten about me and kept telling myself that in five, maybe ten minutes I would get up and ask the receptionist, but after five, ten, fifteen minutes would pass I would find myself rooted to my chair unable to move. I think I knew what was coming, and I think I knew I hadn’t been forgotten either.
Finally the doctor came in. She introduced herself as Dr. Mahone. She was carrying a lot of papers. And one of the first things I remember her saying is that the heart has four chambers and I nodded my head absently, yes it does. Well, then she got out the diagram of what my babies heart had, thank goodness, he had four chambers as well, but in-between his left atrium and his right atrium there is suppose to be a wall to separate the oxygenated blood from the un-oxygenated blood. My baby has a big gaping hole in that wall. He will have to have surgery when he is born. The goal will be to get him healthy after his birth and strong enough to wait until he’s four to six months before performing the surgery.
This was about as far as we got. I sobbed. She didn’t tell me much more, she said that no matter what she said at this point I wouldn’t remember because I was in shock. But she wanted me to come back with my husband for an hour consultation and discuss the options of getting an amnio or not. I guess it’s common for congenital heart defects to be linked with downs syndrome as well.
I cried some more, every time I tried to talk I cried. It was overwhelming and I felt so alone right then.
Dr. Mahone leaned towards me and asked me this beautiful question. “Do you have faith?”
“Yes”, was my reply.
“Do you believe in Jesus?”
“Yes”.
“I know that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and yours, he is your brother and he loves you and he loves this baby, he will get you through this.”
Right then I knew that she was inspired to say these things, what more of a comfort could I have received at that time? She was speaking my language and it was touching.

Skip ahead.

So Wednesday Tom and I went back into the office to sit down with Dr. Mahone to discuss all the possibilities of what this meant for our family. Some of the main concerns and worries that stick out in my head the most and that were discussed are as follows:
1. We saw the video taken of the baby’s heart, and saw the hole. Shocking. There isn’t a wall, just a hole. The possibilities of this hole closing over or shrinking are exceptionally small; pretty much it would be a miracle if he did not need surgery. But to me, the miracle will happen no matter what, it will be a miracle that doctors can go in and fix him.
2. The possibility of taking the baby early. We were informed that babies with congenital heart defects often times don’t grow or thrive very well in the womb. If this happens, there is a possibility that he would have to be delivered at 35 or 36 weeks. So I feel a lot of pressure to do all I can to get this baby healthy, but then I worry that it won’t make a difference, no matter how well I eat or take care of myself, he just might not grow well. Out of my hands.
3. All of the pediatric cardiologists that are surgeons are in Iowa City, which is two hours East of Des Moines, which raises the possibility of delivering the baby there, and spending a lot of time going back and forth for appointments, and a good chunk of time for the actual surgery.
4. The possibility that if I deliver in Des Moines, the baby might need to be air evacuated to Iowa City if there are complications.
5. And another concern is for the two big brothers that will struggle when all this happens. How can I keep them close to me and not have them shipped off constantly for other people to watch? I worry that they’ll be shoved into the background when this little boy comes, and I really don’t want that.

So there is a brief run down, I could probably write a list of a hundred things that worry me, but I’ll spare you all.
After the consultation I went into the ultrasound room and we did the amnio. It was awful. Uncomfortable and disturbing.
Then we made an appointment for another ultrasound at the end of December and went home. So we get to play the waiting game. Answers will come slowly with each preceding appointment and consultation. We also need to be aware that more complications can arise with his heart as he grows and they can see more. So we’re taking it day by day and doing quite well really.

But skip ahead to Friday morning. I got the call from the lab at the doctor’s office for the amnio result. My heart was beating so hard and fast I thought I would drop dead right there. I didn’t. The nurse said good news, and it was, the results came back, and my baby is not down syndrome and he does not have digeorge. It was such a relief. I got off the phone and sobbed. I didn’t realize how much I had pent up until that moment.
The results certainly don’t change anything when it comes to all the worries of his heart, but it was a relief to not have any extra worries anymore.
So now we are just trying to get on with the everyday stuff. I’m finally getting around to vacuuming and cleaning up around the house again. It’s amazing how much the house can fall to pieces when you don’t clean for a week.
And Tom is doing well. In fact he spent the entire afternoon in the kitchen making sugar cookies yesterday and that was with fasting and all!
And we’re extremely grateful to all the people who have fasted and prayed for our little boy. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord is aware of him and us and that no matter what the outcome is, we will be okay with Christ in our lives.