My Big Boys

The other day Collin informed me that my belly is just a little bit fat now. I'm strong, I brushed it off and had another cookie. How could I be angry with this face and an observation filled with such honesty. My two boys have been interesting as of late, maybe it's the lack of attention they've been receiving since Caleb has been born, I'm not sure, but it worries me. I know I'm a divided woman now and it's hard to give everyone the time they need, we're working on it.
But I find it hard not to lose my temper with them at times. For instance, the first day Caleb got his hearing aide in we were in the car picking up Talin, and Collin was in the backseat with Caleb as usual when I hear the buzzing of his hearing aide. Collin had managed to take it out and completely apart. What???
Then a day later Talin casually pulled the hearing aide out of Caleb's ear and tells me, "I don't think he needs to hear right now." And once again, what???
Maybe it's jealousy...we're working on it.

But they are super cute and will always be my source of amusement through this difficult time. I do wish I would have sent the camera with Tom for father and sons campout. They had a great time. I heard they were walking around at night and decided to follow a trail leading into the forest. The boys were freaking out, especially Collin when he all of a sudden turned around and started running downhill with his arms sticking straight up and screaming. Must have been hilarious. Tom says he looked like E.T. with his arms straight up in the air running. Who throws their arms in the air to run from impending danger anyway? Talin sat by while Tom told the story laughing and informing us over and over again that he wasn't scared, he just pretended to be scared. Ha! Wish I could have been there.

Baby Update

Caleb went to the pediatrician on Thursday and the cardiologist on Friday.

The great news?

He's looking super fabulous. His weight gain is great, and the doctor's keep asking me what I'm doing differently and if I've been supplementing. Nope, I've got super powerful breastmilk I guess, at least I can do something well! Anyway, here are the boy's stats for his two month check-up:



Weight: 8 pounds 12 ounces - 10%

Height: 20 1/2 inches - under 5%



Yeah, he's still a little squirt, but he's a growing little squirt.

And we have set the date for heart surgery, it will be July 23rd.

I need a hobby...

What do you do when your big boys go off to a father and sons overnighter?

You build the Temple of Doom with Legos of course. My accomplice didn't make it to the end of construction.

Went to the Audiologist Today

Pre-hearing aide baby:

Post-hearing aide baby:

He wears it well.

he can hear!

Looking forward to tomorrow.

Feeling frustrated today with Caleb. He has been fussing and crying continually, not sure what the problem is. I can get him to quiet only when I sing loudly in his left ear. So then that breaks my heart. Does he realize he can't hear and is upset by it? Or is that just me feeling sorry for the situation? I don't know. Tomorrow he gets his hearing aide, we'll see if that improves his mood.

New Post

I seriously don't know where the time goes. Things seem to be happening quite quickly around here. On Wednesday Tom takes his last test for the semester and I'm so excited for that and so is he, as you can imagine. He gets a week and a half off before he starts his clinics. I have so many "projects" I want to work on with him while he's around, we'll see what actually gets done though.

And in a few weeks JoDee's family is going to be coming through and stopping off for a visit. We are super excited for that, I'm thrilled to see my nieces and hang out with them. I'm hoping we'll be able to do something fun, like go to the zoo out in Omaha with them and see Winter Quarters.

For some reason Spring seems to be packed with events and get togethers that seem never ending. It's kind of nice to be kept busy and I did not jinx myself and attended no doctor's appointments this past week, which was a wonderful relief. Although we'll be making it up next week! And the boys are getting so close to being done with their school year, which kind of freaks me out, because they are restless little men and will want to be entertained all summer by me. We'll have to figure something out!

Here are some pictures I've been taking of Caleb the past week. He's so cute and seems to be getting so big. He's becoming more and more of a little person each day and has started cooing at Tom and I, it seriously melts my heart. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've never been such a sucker for a cute face before!
He's so darn cute and I can't wait to see what he weighs next week. He seems huge to me, but then I have to remind myself that he's still wearing newborn clothes, so he hasn't grown that much, but he's definitely grown!

So this is the new thing he does, he sticks out his tongue all the time. I tried to get a good picture of him doing it, but this was the best one. Usually he'll stick it all the way out down his chin, and it's the oddest thing, kind of freaks me out, but it's beyond adorable at the same time.

Here are the big boys. A friend in my ward gave me a suit that her little boy had grown out of, and Talin was so excited to receive it. He's wanted a church suit for a very long time, but we've never been able to afford one, so I was so happy to receive this for him. He was very proud of how he looked on Sunday and spent a lot of time admiring himself in the mirror. And Collin is just happy that I let him pick out his own outfits every week. I was actually surprised he didn't have a problem with Talin wearing a new suit and him not having one. Soon enough it will be his though.
These two boys are so much fun lately, absolute stinkers, but fun. The other day Talin turned to me and says, "Mom, I think Collin is stronger than me and could probably beat me up if he wanted to." I just laughed and agreed in my head, because Collin will no doubt pass up Talin in size before too long.

And Caleb has turned into his father's child in the evenings. I still am not sleeping a ton with this boy throughout the night, so I fall asleep early or just go to bed by nine. While Tom stays up and takes care of his little man. Although Caleb has been a little bit of a nightmare from seven until ten each night, I don't know what's going on with him, but he fusses and doesn't want to eat and just yells at us. Hopefully this is just a stage that will pass.

Okay, Tom does this freaky thing with Caleb and makes him walk like he's a little man, and it seriously freaks me out. I don't know why, but I feel like I can visualize him walking on his own for real and how bizarre that would really be. I have an insane imagination, just go with me on this one.

Wouldn't you be terrified if this little person walked into the living room on his own?

So many random things to write down that I need to number them.

1. Caleb slept until 4:35 this morning. It was amazing! This is the longest he or I have slept in six weeks. And then he ate for twenty minutes and went back into bed without a fuss until I woke him up this morning at 8:30 to eat again. It was crazy, but it has me worried at the same time, why this sudden change? Hmmm...
2. Tom was feeling sick on Sunday and by the afternoon had a temperature over 101 degrees. I was worried, so was he. Miracle, he woke up Monday, took some aspirin and went to school, he hasn't had the fever come back since. Thank goodness, that's the last thing we need in this family, a sick daddy.

3. Caleb went to the audiologist on Monday and we fit him for his hearing aid. It will be here in two weeks, I guess it has to be special ordered and it takes them that long to make it. They took an ear mold of his ear so that his hearing aid will be specially designed to fit his ear. It's all a little surreal for me still. I'm excited for him to hear. Tom and Collin went with us to the appointment and we had Collin pick out the color of his hearing aid. He went with green, he'll be so cute!

4. I'm very blessed to have super helpful ward members here in Des Moines. One lady in particular has been extra sweet and insisted on taking my kids a couple of different times. Well yesterday she convinced me to let her have them again for the afternoon, and then she was taking her boys to the mall for kids night at the mall, and wanted Talin and Collin to go. I said fine, but it's a school night, they do go to bed at 7:30. Well, as grateful as I am for the break, 9:00 rolled around and the kids were just being dropped off, and see pictures below for how they looked. Quite amusing. Would have been much nicer if they didn't have school first thing in the morning and if they didn't need at least ten hours of sleep to function on a regular day. And then the disappointment of having to wash their faces before going to bed because I knew I wouldn't be ready to deal with it at seven in the morning.

At least they had a great time.

5. And I hope I'm not jinxing myself by writing this down, but next week will be the first week in months that I don't have one single doctor's appointment scheduled. Woohoo!! This week has been nonstop and it's only Wednesday, and the week after next I have three doctor's appointments that week, so it will be a short lived break, but a break nonetheless.

The Birthday & some catch up

There has been a tradition started in our family that I'm not so sure about. First of all, for the past few birthdays the boys have insisted on going to Chuck E. Cheeses. Second of all I've let them go to the store to pick out their own cake. I have fallen off the cake decorating, creativity making birthday wagon. I guess I don't need one more thing right?

But here is Talin on his birthday. He was told that he could bring one friend, so he invited Lindsey from Sunday school. I found this surprising because they've never played together before, but before long I realized there was some definite crushing going on. I don't think Talin's one friend will ever be a little boy. Talin had lots of help eating his cake, and opening his presents!
Overall they all had a fabulous time playing games and hanging out. I'm just happy when Talin has a great day, totally worth Chuck E. Cheese insanity for my little six year old!

Now for the weekly Caleb update.

My little kiddo is a super-fighter. I'm not kidding you, he's looking so good that he doesn't have to see his pediatrician or the cardiologist for three weeks.
Yeah!
His current weight is 7 lbs. 8 oz., a 2 ounce weight gain in a week.
And here he is at the cardiologist today. They always do the funnest tests on my poor baby, it really gets nasty when all those little black stickers have to come off.
Ouch!

On the other hand, I've decided to save these photos for future black mailing.

But this isn't nearly as embarrassing as what I did in the parking lot today at the cardiologist appointment. Caleb was fussy so I decided to give him a quick feeding in the back of the car before heading back home so he wouldn't scream the entire time. After he eats I tuck the goods back into my bra and put Caleb in his car seat. I get out of the car and glance at my reflection in the car next to me, only to be absolutely horrified that I have not put my shirt down at all. There I am in the parking lot with my bra totally exposed to complete strangers! I was horrified, pulled down my shirt and drove out of the parking lot as quickly as possible. I just knew it was only a matter of time before something like this happened!

Happy Birthday Talin

The Big Six Year Old!

It's hard to believe that Talin is six years old today. Here are six wonderful things about Talin.

1. He is seriously the sweetest, most wonderful, kindest boy ever.
2. Talin is constantly thinking of others before himself, which is a surprising attribute for a little boy so young.
3. He has a tender heart and I believe he was sent down here as the oldest to his little brothers for his example and unconditional love he offers.
4. He has an amazing mind that never stops thinking, inventing or dreaming.
5. He has a love for learning that astounds me. He is always wanting to know more, do more and create more, and often takes it upon himself to do it without any help.
6. He is instilled with a natural desire to always do what is right, and he's always willing to help others to make the right choices. Even if that happens to be his mother!

You're the best little boy ever!

We love you Tal!

More...

So Thursday morning was long, like really really long. Arrived at the hospital at 7 am and was ready for the testing by eight. My miracle happened when Caleb slept through the entire two and a half hours of testing. His typical awake time is around eight o’clock, so I was very happy.

I wish I would have brought my camera to document the testing. They hooked his head up to five different wires that were attached to the computer, he looked like some kind of science experiment, and then they put a microphone in one ear and a headphone on the other ear. We sat there in the dark and were only allowed to converse in whispers, but we didn’t talk, at least not me, I spent the entire time trying to read the audiologist as she helped out with the testing procedure.
Talk about agonizing, I have to stop trying to read people’s faces. I wanted to cry every time I would see her brow furrow or watch her shake her head. But the results turned out good. Best news of the day is that he’s not deaf. Well at least not completely. He has moderate to severe hearing loss in his right ear, and she suspects the damage is in the cochlea. Now his left ear is the one that is closed, so they put the headphones on that one and measured the neurological responses to sound, and his left ear did much better than the right. So there is a little bit of hope that when that left ear is surgically fixed and opened, that he might have decent hearing on that side. How ironic is that?
Next week we go in to fit Caleb for a hearing aid in the right ear. It’s a temporary fix until we go out to Iowa City and meet with the ENT’s that will hopefully be able to give Caleb a permanent fix to the hearing problem and with lots of luck, hopefully fix it completely so he won’t need a hearing aid at all. I do think he’ll be beyond adorable with a little hearing aid. It will add to his old man look.

On the other hand we got a call from our pediatrician Friday night. He was calling to check on Caleb and see how the testing went and how his cough/congestion is fairing. While Tom was talking on the phone with him he mentioned that when I come into the office for our appointment on Wednesday that he wants to give me the phone number for a genetic specialist to have Caleb tested for different genetic disorders. He reassured Tom that he didn’t suspect anything, just wants to make sure we aren’t missing anything. But of course I find myself at 2:30 in the morning freaking out about the whole idea. I know it’s unlikely that they’ll find anything, especially since I had the amnio that came back negative, but it still makes me worry. Just one more appointment, one more doctor’s visit. We’ve already been to eleven this month, I counted.

Friday night we also had the missionaries over for dinner. They are going through the Teach My Gospel book with our family over the next five weeks; we’ll cover a chapter each week with them. I was honestly dreading having to do one more thing, but I found the evening to be really rewarding. It’s amazing how having a refresher on Gospel principles can uplift you so much. Every step they went through in that first chapter was like an eye opener to me. I’ve definitely let myself fall back into self doubt and lost a lot of faith throughout everything, but listening to the Elders made me realize that there is only one place to turn for comfort and hope and peace with the situation at hand. And without a doubt that is to the Lord, I hope I don’t fail myself or my family by forgetting that again.

The boy’s have been really cute with Caleb lately. I find them singing to him often and Collin can not stop hugging and kissing the boy, which is probably why he has his little cough. Talin on the other hand is a funny boy. I walked in on him the other day leaning over Caleb and whispering to him, “Please don’t die Caleb”. It touched my heart, but worried me, no matter how many times I’ve explained to Talin that Caleb is not going to die, he still bears that worry.

Anyway, I’ve written a novel for myself here and now I have to put two rowdy little boys to bed.

Hallelujah!

9 ounces in one week!

So Caleb had his doctor's appointment this morning and is now 7 lbs. 6 oz. I could not be more thrilled. I'm so excited about his weight gain.

Isn't he the cutest boy ever? We sure think so.

You think you've heard it all...

It’s hard to write about this, and so I’ve put it off for awhile now, knowing that I wanted to write about it eventually, so here it is. The night Caleb was born we had another discovery concerning his health. Some things are so hard to hear, and that’s why when I was first told I brushed it aside as not mattering at all. The nurse had taken me into the bathroom to clean up after labor while they changed the bed sheets, and while we were in the bathroom, one of the pediatricians was looking over Caleb again.
I walked out of the bathroom to see them huddled around my baby. He looked so beautiful laying there.
Tom glanced up. “We found something else wrong with him.” Is what he said to me.
Okay, give it to me, is what I thought.
The pediatrician rolled his head over and pointed to his left ear, which appeared to be crinkled and a bit smaller than the right ear. “There is no opening to the ear canal in the left ear”.
I looked, and there wasn’t. Instead of a hole leading into the ear canal there was skin covering it instead. What?? How does this happen? But I didn’t think anything that evening. I took my baby and reveled in him and didn’t think further on his ears or his heart; nothing, but him and how lovely he was.
The next day a different pediatrician came in to our hospital room. He was smacking gum and looking over Caleb. And very nonchalantly informed us that Caleb did not pass his hearing test, in fact, they could not see an ear drum in the right ear. My heart stopped, and I just out and out asked the pediatrician if that meant he was deaf. He looked at me and told me maybe, but then casually informed me that he wasn’t sure if that was Caleb’s information or a different babies, then left the room to go check. He was very calloused. We had just been informed that our child was possibly deaf, and the man didn’t seem to care how he delivered the news.
I couldn’t talk. I sat there on the bed holding Caleb and silently let the tears stream down my face. There was nothing to say.
The doctor came back in; yes it was Caleb’s chart. He informed us that he would need to see an audiologist and an ENT for further testing on both ears to see what was inside to work with, if hearing down the road was a possibility, and if he had any canal at all on the left side where we couldn’t see into. Then he left again.
Tom sat in the chair by my side and placed his head into his hands and shook with sobs. I stared at him and had absolutely nothing left in me to reach out and comfort him at that point. We were both heartbroken.

Fast forward. We’ve started to deal with the hearing thing and have already seen the ENT in town. He wants us to go out Iowa City where he says some of the best ENT’s in the country are located. Plus it’s a research hospital so there are always the newest and latest things to help out in an area like this. He informed us that they would get a team of doctors together to work on the inner workings of the ears and a separate team of doctor’s that would specialize in rebuilding the left outer ear to resemble the right ear.
Tom and I feel exceptionally optimistic that Caleb will hear.

The most recent update on his hearing is that he’s scheduled to go into the hospital this Thursday to do some more testing to see if there are any nerve endings in the right ear to work with. If so, they can give Caleb a temporary hearing device until we go out to Iowa City for more permanent solutions. I’m very nervous and excited about this appointment. I pray that they can find something to work with and that Caleb can hear. Any prayers are gratefully appreciated; we’ll need all of them this week.

Jo's second to last day

JoDee's attempt to kidnap Caleb for the plane ride tomorrow.

Yeah, she'll miss him.

He seems to conveniently fit in small packages.

Today at Caleb's cardiology appointment, we found out that he's only 6 lbs. 13 oz. So we decided to document his smallness.
Anyone hungry for fruit?

The real torture moment was this shot.

One Caleb cookie coming up!

This is probably not as amusing as my four hour a night sleeping routine makes it out to be.

Baby David Bowie from outer space/baby Sasquatch.

The sad thing is that Jo and I can't stop giggling about his nicknames.

Some Thank You

This picture is for Amy.

Caleb at his doctor's appointment (the fourth one since he's been born!).
Amy caught him smiling, so cute!
Correction on his stats though, he is really only 7 pounds 11 ounces (they weighed him with his diaper on before), so up to his birth weight, yeah! And his length is 18 1/2 inches now, not 19. Small for his age, but still on the charts...barely.

Amy might not love me for posting this picture, I had to break our deal on the pictures we would and would not post of each other, sorry! But I LOVE this picture, and I miss her so much. We have been so blessed to have so much support. So I wanted to thank her and thank Cyndee for the time they've sacrificed in coming out here and leaving their worlds behind for a week to take care of my family. It's meant more than anyone can imagine.

And a special thanks to Kay (Amy's mother-in-law) for providing her with the airline ticket to come. She is beyond awesome and we appreciated it so much!

The boys have missed Grandma Cyndee and Aunt Amy, but I'm gearing them up for Aunt JoDee to come tomorrow. We'll see if by the end of her trip she can be coaxed into sleeping in the giraffe tent. It's been quite amusing having the three of them follow their visits one after the other. Cyndee told the boys that Aunt Amy would have a sleepover in their giraffe tent with them which didn't happen when I explained to Amy the size of the tent. So Amy then told the boys that Aunt JoDee LOVES sleepovers and would sleep in the tent. So now she'll have the pleasure of being harassed about it. So amusing to sit back and watch their plotting.

I also wanted to thank Adam and Susan (my sister-in-law). When I got home from the hospital, I had a lovely chocolate tower awaiting my arrival. Anyone who knows me can understand what this means, I enjoy chocolate more than the average person. So this has been a real treat and a bit of an emotional crutch to have the chocolate tower at my disposal these past couple of weeks. It certainly hasn't done my postpartum body any favors, but the peace of mind has been worth it.